


i guess it doesn't matter anyway ('cause i don't care about nothing but you)

by eggosandxmen



Category: New X-Men: Academy X, X-Men (Comicverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Character with ADHD, F/F, Gen, M/M, Siblings, Team as Family, Trans Character, i love them so much guys. you don't understand., julian cess laura nori and sooraya are teenage runaways and they START A BAND BABY!!!!!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-01-06 14:26:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18390233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggosandxmen/pseuds/eggosandxmen
Summary: He has to go now, or he’d never leave. He’d go back to sleep and wake up and be Her again and he- he can’t, can he?Can he?He sighs, pulls on his backpack, picks up his guitar, and steps into the hallway.





	1. sinking like a stone

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [hold the mic (to this pillar of salt)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11913984) by [throats](https://archiveofourown.org/users/throats/pseuds/throats). 



> chapter one: julian keller runs away and hits cess kincaid with his bike! milkshakes are drank! new england is biked across! paint cans are stolen!

His suitcase is too big to stick on his bike. 

All of Julian’s other problems aside- all of his other problems shoved to the bit of his mind he tended to ignore, like the fact that he was _leaving home, he was packing his bags and sneaking out without leaving a note_ \- his suitcase is too big to stick on his bike. He can’t drive out of this town and his suitcase is just too fucking _large._

He grits his teeth, opens the suitcase back up, and takes out the most important clothes, dumping his school backpack onto the floor and shoving them into that instead. Three black t shirts, two pairs of jeans, as many pairs of underwear he could fit, a long sleeved shirt, two hoodies, a pair of sweatpants, his favorite pajamas. In with it went all the cash he had saved, a book of songs, his phone charger ( _shit, how is he going to pay for his phone_ ), his cap- and then the bag is stuffed to the brim, his jacket tied around his waist. He puts it aside and gets a duffle out of his closet, stripping his blanket off of his bed and throwing it in with some extra clothes. His guitar bag and his backpack- with the addition of his smallest amp- both fit on his back; the duffle he could balance on the handlebars, probably, maybe. 

(Probably, maybe. This probably isn’t going to work. He’s probably going to get dragged back home by the cops and he’s probably going to be forced to live as Julia Keller for the rest of his life.)

He slams his fist against the wall and curses, cradling his hand to his chest. They’re shaking, bloody knuckled. Still swearing, he puts his case and his backpack on, flipping his baseball cap onto his head and ignoring the mirror, his reflection turning away with him.

His earbuds are in his pocket, his phone fully charged, he’s- he’s ready to go, isn’t he?

He has to go now, or he’d never leave. He’d go back to sleep and wake up and be Her again, has to wake up and be Her and listen to his mom when she makes him be the Perfect Rich Kid and he has to be someone else and he has to fake it and he- he can’t, can he? 

Can he?

He sighs, pulls on his backpack, picks up his guitar, and steps into the hallway.

It’s late- dark, even in the middle of a New England summer- and his parents are fast asleep. Still, Julian takes a second to make sure their door is closed before creaking down the stairs, his bare feet landing on the kitchen carpet. After a moment of hesitation, he opens the nearest cabinet, throwing anything that might last into his duffle- poptarts, granola bars, a thing of candy bars. 

After zipping his bag back up, he takes a deep breath and heads for the door. 

It opens without a sound and he steps onto the front steps. The night air is calm around him, the perks of living in Rhode Island Suburbia including no one being around after ten; his bike is still where he hid it, behind the rose bush his mother pays someone else to take care of.

He gets on and strings his duffle across the handle bars, pedaling away without looking back, not bothering to break as he speeds down the hill and far, far away from anything he had ever been forced to be.

-  
He’s halfway to Providence after two days and out of granola after three; his back aches all the time and his binder had been traded for his oldest, comfiest sports bra. But no one had said a word to him. No one had said _Julia what are you wearing_ and the man who cut his hair at the barbershop hadn’t said _but you look so pretty, young lady._

It, quite frankly, rocked. And part of that was his rich-boy rebel talking, because he had the privilege of choosing this, didn’t he, but- still. Still.

He’s near a diner he went to with his brother a few years ago by the time day four hits. He’s got a plan (go and have fries with some of his money, find out the quickest way to the city), pedaling along a sidewalk, earbuds blasting, not looking where he was going- sue him, alright?- when he notices movement up ahead.  
A girl- maybe his age, walking as he speeds along the sidewalk. She looks up at him and he looks up at her and they look up at each other, just a second too late.

He slams his brakes and she jumps off of the sidewalk, onto the lawn a ledge above it, his bike only scraping her arm. 

“Oh, no,” he says, jumping off his bike and going towards her. “I’m so sorry-uh- I-”

Her face was dirty, red hair matted along her back and freckles across every bit of bare skin Julian could see. A backpack was across her right shoulder and her clothes were about as gross as his; and, again, sue him, but- Julian’s lonely. 

She steps backward when he moves forward again ( _desperate, huh, Julian, you big baby, want a friend so badly_ he thought to himself) and he stops, running a hand through his hair. “I. I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you- I, um, is there anything I can do to. Uh. Make up for it?”

Her brow furrows. “I’m- I’m fine, thanks.” 

“Are you sure? Man, I feel really bad, uh- do you. Would you like to maybe come with me to this diner down the road?” 

_Way to be direct about it, huh, Keller? Way to weird her out._

 

She squints at him. “Are you looking to hook up or something?”

He blinks, rapidly, stuttering out a vehement “No!” and shaking his head, his face and ears going bright red. 

She cracks a grin at his embarrassment. “Alright, alright, sorry. I’m Cessily.”

 

“Julian.”

“You’re buying.”

“Noted.”

-

 

They get to the diner and Cess gives him a little smile again when their fries (he’s not made of money, they can’t both get full meals, alright?) arrive, scuffing the floor with her shoes.

“So…”

“I’m sorry again. For hitting you. With my bike.” It comes out stilted and Julian winces, taking a sip of his milkshake (strawberry) and waiting for her to say something. 

“No, it’s okay, I- wasn’t really watching where I was going either, uh- I’m not from around here, I didn’t realize there’d be other people. My hometown is- less full, I guess?” 

“Oh, I’m not from the city either! Where are you from?” He breathes a sigh of relief- hometowns were something they both had, right?

“Uh. I’m from Connecticut.” 

“Oh, cool! I’m from a few towns away from here.” He takes a fry and dunks it in his milkshake, chewing while Cessily raises her eyebrow. 

“Rhode Island’s kinda weird, dude, no offense. Is milkshake-and-fry-dipping just a thing you do around here, or is that just you?”

“Mmmmm. Just me.” He wiggles his fry at her, dunks it until it’s soggy, and eats it anyway. “Not my fault the rest of the world is boring.”

 

She laughs, taking another fry. “I think I’ll stomach a conversation with you, even though you’re not as boring as the rest of us.”

“Thank you kindly.”

 

\--

 

They talk, and talk, and talk; and then it’s dark and their fries are long gone and Julian thinks he may have scored the only friend he’s had for at least three years.

Cessily fits, with him, is the thing- not in a romantic way, nothing Like That, but her edges fit with his. Like a puzzle- but not the stupid way. Like- like every sentence he fumbles with, she knows what words he’s trying to get at. 

She guesses his favorite color on the first try (none; he can never decide) and he guesses her favorite food (cherries) and they fit, together. God, they just- he just-

He hasn’t had a friend like her in a while. 

 

-

It’s a bit slower going, now, with Cess on the back part of his bike, but it’s warmer, too, being with someone. They sleep on park benches and Cess decks a guy trying to bother them and it’s good. And he’s only known her for a few days but they work well together and he needs to get to a city and she needs to get as far away from where she came from as she can.

She hasn’t really told him much- and he doesn’t really mind, per say, he’s just worried. She doesn’t talk about it and she doesn’t need to, but-

But the urgency in her voice when she asked him to tag along (“I need to get to a train station, Julian, can I come with you to the city, please?”). But the fact that she hasn’t told him her parent’s _names_ yet.

So he pedals, and she holds on, and neither of them really say anything. And it’s okay, for a while, it’s okay.

\--

They reach Providence six days after Cess comes along. Julian’s shirt is so ringed with sweat it’s damp even in the heat; Cess takes a turn pedaling, her hair tied up so it doesn’t hit Julian every time there’s a breeze. She’s tired and he’s tired and they’re both hungry but they’re almost there and No Sleep ‘Til Brooklyn, to quote the Beastie Boys, right? 

“What are you going to do?” she asks him as they make yet another turn, chasing the signs that say PROVIDENCE STATION in bold.

“Get to NYC. Play music, I don’t know; I’m not too bad with a guitar, I guess.” 

“I played drums. Before.” 

She sounds wistful, really, and Julian remembers an old trick he saw; using paint cans for drums, right, like in the movies? It’d be a way to make money, to get them both enough to live once they use the last of the money to get to NYC.

 

“We should start a band, Cess.” 

She snorts. “I don’t have a kit, J.”

“We can get some paint cans! We could- do street music, right, when we get to NYC, save up for a place. The two of us, together- we could. We could do it, right?” His voice rises on the last word, excitement spilling out of his brain and into his hands. 

He flaps a few times and Cess snorts again, going quiet for a few seconds. 

“I mean. Where would we get the paint cans?”

“There are scrap metal places all over the city! We could get some and- do you have sticks? Yeah? Use those, and I have my guitar and my amp can use batteries and- train stations work for musicians, right? Right?”

\--

They get the paint cans from a junkyard when no one’s looking. Julian pedals and Cess stacks them all up together, holds them and Julian’s duffle against her chest, whooping into the night air.

They end up setting up at the station, in the corner with the least amount of security guards, Julian plucking along his strings for the first time in nearly a month.

Within a few days, they have a shambling, off-beat setlist going- songs Julian remembers from Fancy Private Lessons, songs Julian wrote himself, covers of the classics Cessily remembers in a few seconds after she gets her paint cans up.

A few people throw some coins into Julian’s guitar case; one woman very worriedly asks about their parents (“Oh, they work here, we just do this for fun!” Cess smiles, all bright eyed and innocent, and she leaves after a few more tense moments.) 

They get food from the vending machine and use the restroom’s sink water to wash up, buy two tickets, and hop the next train to New York.

\--


	2. back in the city, i was on a tear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter two: emma frost is a good mom! scott summers is an english teacher! a certain bassist joins the gang! logan howlett has too many kids to count!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates will hopefully be weekly from this point on!

Cessily seems to know where she’s going, at least, his duffle over her shoulder as he walks his bike along next to her. 

New York is hot and sticky, a writhing mass of people walking along its streets.

Neither of them speak for a while, Cess trooping ahead of Julian, until he clears his throat. “So… where are we going?”

“My mom’s old boss lives around here. She used to work with kids,” she responds, looking around. “If I could just remember…”

She turns to the left and Julian stumbles after her, eventually hopping on his bike and pulling her up.

“Go right here,” she says, her cans clanking along on his wheels; he does, coasting down a hill and skidding to a stop in front of a pretty nice apartment building. 

They both dismount and Julian takes his duffle from Cessily's hands, wiping the sweat from his palms onto his jeans.

“Okay, um.” Cessily reaches out and runs her hand through Julian’s hair, patting it down as best she can. “Try to look presentable, okay? She doesn’t even know I’m here, never mind you.”

“Oh, yeah, that’ll be an easy sell. Hey, can you take in a kid of indeterminable gender who hasn’t changed clothes for the past week?” 

She shoves him. “Just act cool, okay?”

He parks his bike in the front of the building and takes her hand.

-

The person in the entrance room stares unabashedly but lets them up when Cessily asks- her mom’s old boss is a woman called Emma, apparently.

She’s on the top floor, a proper suite, and Julian feels even smaller than usual when Cessily knocks on the door, squeezing his hand.

The door opens slowly, a man with fluffy brown hair and red shades half-hidden behind it. “Yes?”

“Hi, Scott,” Cess waves. “Sorry to drop in so suddenly.”

-

Cessily’s mom’s boss’ boyfriend is a warm man, hugging her tightly and looking close to tears (through his glasses). “Where’ve you been, we were worried sick -“

“How did you-“

“Emma follows your mother on Facebook. She said you’d been kidnapped!”

“I- they didn’t- we-“

Understanding dawns on Scott’s face. “Was it about the Incident?”

Cessily nods, and that’s the end of it.

-

Emma is even taller than her husband, arriving a few minutes later with a redhead woman Cess called Jean. They both hugged her tightly and Julian shook their hands, trying to drop his voice low enough to pass believably.

“Hi, I’m Julian. It’s good to meet you.”

“He’s my best friend.” Cess adds, and Julian’s heart jumps. “And we both need somewhere to stay, just for a while, we’ll figure something out, but- we can’t go home.”

Emma sighs, pinches the bridge of her nose, takes a deep breath. “You’ll have to share a room.”

-

Julian decides not to question why Cess’ mom’s old boss took them in without question; because beds are nice and they hadn’t been separated and everything is mostly okay.

Their neighbors are nice- a woman and her twin brother next door, raising two twin boys a little younger than Julian, a single woman with a daughter Julian’s age, who he hadn’t really seen yet but knows is named Sooraya.

There was a whole pack of people in the apartment directly under them, five adults and at least four kids. Emma explained the entire thing to them after they run into the fourth adult in the apartment, a woman named Ororo. 

“Two of the adults down there are divorced but still friends, and then both their families moved in with them, and it just kept growing, apparently. There’s Logan, he’s a friend of ours. His wife, Ororo, and his husband, Kurt, were our band mates when we were young. His ex-wife’s name is Sarah, who is married to a woman called Rachel. Logan and Sarah have four children between them- an older girl, preteen twins, and a little kid; Laura, Zelda, Bellona, and Gabby. Then Rachel has a son, Henry, he’s three, and Logan, Ororo, and Kurt all have a daughter called Kitty. Logan has another daughter who's at college. And a son, but he's at college too. One of Kitty’s girlfriends, Illyana, lives with them; the other one is Scott and Jean’s daughter, Rachel. She lives here, mostly, but she works at the shelter down the road, so she’s not home too much. Next door to Logan’s gaggle is Warren and Bobby, they’re Scott and Jean’s brother and brother in law. We know essentially the whole building; if you meet someone and don’t know who they are, you can ask one of us. We go over sometimes; if you’d like, you can join us.”

“I’d like that, yeah,” he replies. “As long as Cess is okay with it.”

-

They start playing music again a week after they arrive, their shared room useful for avoiding questions (so long as they played softly). A few weeks of careful rehearsal and they finally brave the outside, keeping in the shade and setting up Cessily’s cans with the sort of revelation Julian had only really seen at church.

Cess counts the two of them off and Julian melts into the familiar chords, a song he had written an hour after he tried to tell his brother everything he was feeling for the first time. 

“ _Just like the kids! I've been navigating my way through the mind-numbing reality of a godless existence!_ ” His fingers are flying along, his eyes closed, and Cess is hammering her cans and it’s good, it’s good, it’s good-

“ _Which, at this point in my hollow and vapid life, has erased what little ambition I've got left!_ ” He opens his eyes for only a second, finding Scott nodding along and a girl Julian hadn’t seen before watching a few paces away (maybe one of Logan’s?).

“ _And I've embraced the calamity! With an attachment and a passive disinterest! Living out the back of my '97 Camry, wondering how the hell I got myself into this!_ ” He smiles, looks over at Cess, and starts the next verse louder than usual. 

“ _I guess it doesn’t matter anyway! I don’t care about nothing but you! I guess it doesn’t matter anyway, ‘cause I don’t care about nothin’!_ ”

There’s meant to be another guitar here, but there’s only two of them and it doesn’t really matter, he tells himself, with Cess slamming her cans as loud as she can.

They finish with a quiet line (“ _And everything’s bleeding, oh,_ ”) and Julian leans against the wall, breathing hard. 

Scott does a little clap, grinning. “That was really good. Very nice riff there, Julian.”

The other girl just stares, and stares, and stares.

-

Laura- Logan’s oldest, as Julian had guessed- hangs around the apartment, usually carting around at least one of her siblings; once, memorably, she had a twin on each shoulder; they were fighting a battle royale, one of them attempting to stab the other’s eyes out. Laura kept a straight face the entire time, waving to Jean slowly before jumping down the stairs, landing on both feet with two children in tow without an issue.

The little kids, for their part, are pretty cool- the smallest, Henry, and the second-youngest, Gabby, come to the apartment ever so often for some form of homeschooling (Scott taught them English, according to Jean). Zelda and Bellona act as Julian remembers being at ten- loud, and violent, and ultimately a lot kinder than most people gave credit for. They’re a tight-knit group, obviously- Jean mentions another girl off in college, Logan’s kid but not Sarah’s, who Gabby refers to as Jubes during their long phone calls on the payphone in the lobby. 

Julian remembers his older brother with an aching in his gut, recalling stilted conversations about topics neither of them cared about, remembers being the Failure, remembers James-with-the-perfect-grades-and-perfect-girlfriend, remembers being Julia-the-screwup, and almost has a meltdown in the middle of the hallway.

Cessily takes his hand and leads him softly back to their room.

He asks Jean, eventually, about Laura. Eventually.

“Jean? Why is Laura so quiet all the time?”

Jean looks up from her book, face pale. “Julian, there was. When she was young, some- some pretty horrific things happened. So she’s- not one to talk much. Just make sure to be mindful of her boundaries, okay, J?”

“Mhm.”

-

Emma gets Cessily a drum set.

Rather, she says she didn’t- but a very real set of drums, along with a soundproofed bedroom, waits for the two of them after Scott takes them to the Museum of Modern Art, and- really- who else would? 

Cess tackles Emma and almost starts crying; and then they get to work.

-

Fifteen and a half scrapped songs, two shredded notebooks, and three logo designs later, their band (still unnamed) is doing alright for itself. But- if Julian is being honest- there’s just something missing. Not with the drums (Cessily is flourishing with her new set and he knows it), nor with his parts. His singing- though raw- works with their songs, as well as can be expected for a fifteen year old.

But a two-man band can only go so far. 

Cessily understands when he explains it all to her, twirling her drumsticks in her hands. “We should make posters. Everyone’s out on Sunday, we could have a tryout, yeah?”

“Tryouts for the greatest band in the world, yeah?” He snorts, doing a round of jazz hands. “Join up with the no-name band for the glory of street corners and exhaustive planning in advance!”

Cessily throws her stick at him.

-

They make the posters.

No one comes to their apartment on Sunday morning. 

They sit around, mess with a new song, wait. And wait. And wait.

And then the door opens, slowly and softly, to reveal Laura standing with a woman Julian hadn’t seen around the building. He assumes it to be her mother (same eyes, same height- though everything else Laura seems to have taken from her father).

Laura, herself, is wearing the same clothes she always is- black hoodie, ripped jeans, boots caked in dirt. She has a bag strapped over one shoulder and a case in the other- no stickers, just _L. Kinney_ carved on the side.

“Uh, hi,” Laura’s mom says, waving. “I’m Sarah, this is Laura; we saw your poster, and I’m gonna leave in a second, just wanted to make sure Emma knows about this.”

“She does!” Cess promises. 

“Okay. Laur, if you need anything-” 

Laura nods, sets down her bag and holds her case in both hands after she pecks her mother on the cheek and the older woman leaves the room. 

“Hi,” Cessily says, twirling around her sticks. “What do you play?”

She doesn’t respond, instead setting down her case and opening it, revealing a well-worn bass, polish covering the scrapes along it. The inside lid of the case holds several taped-on papers, a child’s drawings scribbled in green and blue crayon. She closes it before Julian is able to read them.

“Ah, okay, bass. Cool, do you have a piece prepared?” Julian glances at Cessily- is this how tryouts are meant to run? What were they supposed to do?- but Laura seems to be alright with it, pulling her strap over her shoulder.

She’s very good. That much is apparent from the second she begins- Julian can’t quite name what the song is, though it feels nostalgic, soft and sweeping and rising. It’s hard to make much with a bass line, but she works with it, ending with a crescendo and a note so deep it makes goosebumps appear on Julian’s arms.

“Uh. Okay, then, uh-“ Cess grins at them both, excitement shining in her eyes. “I think you’re in.”

“Yeah, definitely,” Julian runs a hand through his hair, smiling. “You’re definitely in.”

“So, we. We practice pretty much every day, we ask that you get here whenever you can, just- call the landline if you can’t make it, okay? It’s fine, just don’t skip every day. And, uh, yeah, do you want to come and try one of the songs right now, or?” Cessily is tripping on her words, as she does when she’s nervous, and Julian takes her hand without hesitation.

Laura nods again and Julian’s smile grows even wider.  
-

Neither Julian or Cess are exactly masters at writing out bass tabs, but Laura manages with what they give her; she flows almost as well as Julian and Cess do, together, though she seldom does anything besides stare and play along.

By the end of the day, Laura learns a good quarter of the set and Cessily invites her around for pizza and music the next Saturday, which she accepts with a nod and the barest hint of a smile. 

Zelda is the one to come to get her, Henry holding her hand and babbling in toddler-speak. Laura waves goodbye, pulling Henry up onto her back before grabbing her case with one hand and Zelda’s hand with the other. She walks out and closes the door behind her, still just barely grinning at the two of them. 

“Well, that was productive,” Julian says, turning to Cessily after a moment to find his best friend’s face beet red, eyes closed tightly and hands clasped firmly together. “Cess? You okay?”

She groans, puts her hands over her face, and sits on the couch. “My _god,_ she has _no_ right to be that attractive.”

Julian doesn’t even attempt to stop a giggle from coming out of his mouth. “Cess, honey, dear, platonic soulmate of mine. It’s been a day.”

“Shut _up!_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so just a few notes on the entire thing:
> 
> \- sarah kinney is married to rachel sutter (from innocence lost). hell yeah.
> 
> \- logan has a whole bunch of kids! oh my god so many kids! when will this man stop!
> 
> \- laura isn't a child assassin in this 'verse, but she has a lot going on. since julian is my pov character and i am definitely not comfortable writing that type of trauma, we'll likely only hear about it second-hand. cool? cool.
> 
> \- laura is selectively mute! so she might speak but right now that is not the case! 
> 
> \- soon sooraya and nori will arrive and everything will be okay, okay? and maybe we'll actually have a plot oooooooOoOOooOOo.
> 
> \- julian and cessily have known each other for like two months at this point and they'd kill for each other, which i think is a big mood. 
> 
> \- the x-adults are all activists! emma is a teacher! scott has an education degree but is a writer! jean is an advocate and works as a manager of the local coffee shop! logan is probably a lumberjack or something! ororo is a botanist! sarah is a geneticist at the nearby lab and is not making clone babies this time! kitty, rachel grey, and the other new mutants are all out and about! you think i'd miss an opportunity to make a big x-men family? no, i wouldn't.
> 
> \- i might bring the younger x-kids into this later please don't kill me i couldn't include all of logan's children
> 
> anyway, this fic is very niche, and i'm so happy to see support for it. thank you so much. the chapter title comes from morbid stuff. the song julian sings is kids. both songs, as always, are by pup.


	3. old wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter three: friendships are formed! clothes are bought! emma frost throws shade at her son with reckless abandon!

Laura comes over every other day, nine a.m on the dot; sometimes Gabby tags along, jumping onto Scott and babbling about whatever preschool chapter book he has her reading.

She stays later and later, until she’s a regular guest at the dinner table, squished next to Cessily and smiling at the conversation, sometimes signing along.

Cessily gets over her blushing and her crushing after a few days (she asks Julian never to mention it again and he, very happily, sticks it in the box in his mind labeled _Blackmail for Cess._ )

After explaining their issues with communication, Emma gets them books on ASL from the library down the road (it’s run by yet another member of the patchwork family, a man named Hank with an affinity for biology) and they both spend hours pouring over it, getting to the point where they can hold conversation with Laura without issue.

It’s good. It is. It’s fine. 

It’s just that Julian’s clothes don’t fit. They stick to his curves whenever he sweats and his binder’s strap breaks and he’s- he’s drowning, really, is what’s happening, even though Cess and Emma and Scott and Laura have never misgendered him and his hair was cut very nicely by Jean (and for free, too) and he’s working on a middle name. All of that progress just stops whenever he looks in a mirror.

Of course, Emma has a solution.

“Julian,” Emma says over breakfast, glasses on and newspaper open, “your clothes don’t seem to fit very well anymore. If you’d like, we can go try to get you some new ones today.”

Cessily grins at him, pouring syrup on her eggs like some disgrace against god, from her seat next to Julian. “Yeah, J, it’ll be fun!”

“Emma, that’s your money, I can’t pay-“

“Nonsense. You live under my roof and I am going to take care of you. That includes not letting you wear the same Frank Iero t-shirt for an entire week.”

He bites his lip to keep from giggling and nods. “Okay, fine. But Cess has to come too.”

Cessily groans and he smiles innocently at her. Emma rolls her eyes at the both of them, turning back to her paper. “Alright. You can invite Laura, too, if you’d like.”

-

Directly after breakfast, Julian and Cessily race down the stairs and land in a heap in front of Laura’s door, laughing.

The noise is apparently loud enough to attract attention, the door creaking open to reveal a disheveled Kurt- a gangly man, with tan skin and curly hair, cackling at them both. 

“Hello, children! Are you here for your third musketeer?” He puts out his hand and Julian accepts it, pulling himself up.

“Yeah,” Cess says, standing up as well. “Is she home?”

“Yes! Come on in.”

The apartment is, for lack of a better term, controlled chaos. There’s a teenager asleep at the kitchen table, surrounded by papers- Kitty- and another teenage girl in the same position directly next to her- Illyana. Next to her are the twins, each with half a grilled cheese in their hands, scribbling furiously on a piece of paper (Julian decides he doesn’t quite want to know what they’re writing). At the end of the table, a blond woman (the adult Rachel, he assumes) and Henry color on a torn coloring book which looks to have probably been through at least two other children. Gabby is nowhere to be seen- presumably still asleep.

Sarah, in her lab coat, stands nearest to the door, pulling a backpack out of the coat rack and waving at them, pencil tucked behind her ear. Ororo and Logan sit on the couch, both wearing reading glasses, peering at Logan’s laptop with the expressions of lost members of the seventies generation attempting to do taxes online. Kurt, ahead of Julian, kisses them both on the head and goes to the hallway, calling for Laura.

She comes out of one of the rooms a few seconds later, stopped in the kitchen by Rachel, who fixes the collar of her jacket before letting her go.

Laura waves at them, signing a quick _hello_ before saying goodbye to the various members of the apartment and heading outside, Julian and Cessily on her heels.

“We’re going to go shopping for Jules’ new clothes today!” Cessily says, arm around Julian. “And we said you’d come, is that okay?”

Laura nods as they turn the corner, up the stairwell and back to Emma’s apartment. In the time they had been gone, Emma had gotten changed- her pajamas (a baggy t-shirt stolen from Jean and a pair of Scott’s boxers) replaced with impeccable makeup and a white fur vest that only she could pull off so well.

She claps her hands,then proceeds to usher the three of them out the door. “Off we go.”

 

-

While shopping as a child, Julian tended to rate the experience as being more like pulling teeth than a relaxed affair. This time around seems better, if not enjoyable- he and Cessily find two matching outfits, Emma is careful to only have him try on clothing he’s comfortable with, and Laura even gets herself a new t-shirt. They run with the shopping carts at a Target they stop at and Emma pretends to look the other way, sighing at their antics. Julian’s stomach jumps into his throat the second they go near the girl’s section and Emma steers him away carefully, muttering something about _no child of mine shopping in the wrong section._ She really had adopted them.

After four stores, Emma says they can take a short break, and the three children crowd around the mall’s map, avoiding the stores already circled and crossed off.

“There’s a Ben and Jerry’s near the food court,” Cess mutters, running her finger across the paper. “But that’ll melt.”

“Comic shop two floors down,” Julian responds. “Too far. Don’t wanna.”

Laura jams her finger in the dead center of the map. 

“The record store, Lau?”

She signs a _yes_ and then _for music help._

Julian couldn’t exactly argue with a chance for new music, and with the money they had saved from a few brief street concerts, the three of them could afford an album apiece, if they played it right.

“Emma? We wanna go to the record shop.”

“Alright.” Emma leads the way, her three charges pushing each other along to the second floor.

The record store is dimly lit, a few people weaving in and out of the shelves. Julian wanders over to the alternative section and starts picking through, Cess and Laura arriving a moment later to sort through the ones he puts aside. 

They’ve just started to get into the groove when Julian sees movement out of the corner of his eye, two blurs of blue and black. He looks up just as one of them runs over; a person with their arms around Laura’s torso, giggling.

They’re clad in some sort of veil (feeling rather guilty, he realized he’s honestly not sure what it’s called, and he takes out his phone to find out)- they’re clad in a _niqab_ , and Laura’s full-on smiling as they let go of her, holding her out at arm’s length, still giggling.

“Hi, Laura!” they say. 

The other blur turns out to be a lanky girl around their age, hanging next to the other person with a large amount of wariness on her face.

“How are you! It has been so long- well, a week, a long time- I was worried! And who are these people? It’s so nice to meet you! I’m Sooraya!” The person in the niqab- Sooraya- waves at them.

Laura’s still glowing. If Julian didn’t know better, he’d say someone has a crush. 

“She is my friend.” Laura whispers, a bit too much emphasis on the last word.

The sentence hits Julian like a ton of bricks. “Laura! You talked!”

She nods. “Yes.”

“Hell yeah!” He says, his hands flapping of their own accord. “Hi! I’m Julian, this is Cessily!” 

Sooraya waves, her eyes twinkling. “It’s good to meet you both! This is Nori, my sister.”

Nori twists at one of the many cloth bracelets along her arms. She’s gangly, hair dyed electric blue, the seemingly hundreds of bracelets decorating her arms pulling Julian’s attention from her t-shirt and jeans. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Julian says, letting his now-done flapping hands drop to his sides. “Cool to meet you!”

“Why are you all here?” Sooraya asks, her hand now loosely wrapped in Laura’s and facing them.

“Here for some records. We need inspiration for our new songs, according to Lau.” Cessily has turned back to the rack, blushing even harder than she had the day they met Laura. Julian grins.

Sooraya’s eyes widen. “Wait, are you the other band members? I’ve heard so much, but never but faces to the names!”

“Oh! Yeah, we are. Band name yet undecided, founding members.”

Cessily snickers. “Absolutely killing it on the branding front.”

Julian sticks his tongue out at her and she laughs again. 

Sooraya‘s eyes shine, glancing at her sister. “If you ever need another guitarist, let us know- Nori isn’t too bad.”

“Says the piano prodigy.” Nori bumps Sooraya’s shoulder affectionately, Sooraya rolling her eyes.

Julian, on his part, looks up so fast he gets dizzy. “We’ve been looking for a pianist! And another guitarist! Would you guys really be interested?”

Sooraya and Nori make eye contact and exchange looks- Julian knows most siblings have a code of some kind, but it’s honestly pretty cool, watching them reach a conclusion with two glances and a shrug.

“Yeah, we’re in.” Sooraya says. “We’ll tag along for your next practice, alright?”

“Yeah, that’d be awesome!”

They all smile at each other for a few more seconds before Emma walks over, a woman with a headscarf and Sooraya’s eyes next to her. “Children, I’m happy to see you ran into each other. Julian, Cessily, this is Mrs. Qadir, Sooraya and Noriko’s mother.”

Nori gives Emma a crooked smile. “Well, the rockstar has arrived.”

“Noriko, I’ve known you since you were eleven. Please refrain from referring to me as a celebrity.”

“Hey, Miss Frost, I wasn’t the one playing violin for one of the best bands in New York City.”

“You did what?” Julian asks, eyes wide.

“Scott and Jean and I- along with _all_ of Laura’s fathers, god knows how many of them there are, and Ororo- were in a band when we were young, as you know.” Emma’s lip twitches at the memory. “I was mostly on tech crew, but sometimes I played the violin for them.”

“Nori’s a big fan,” Sooraya whispers. “Has all their records. Can recite their songs from memory.”

“Shut up, Soor!”

Emma laughs a little. “My dear, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m still looking for those unreleased songs that I promised you.”

“Oh! Thank you. Uh. Sorry.” Nori’s ears go pink, and she looks down at the ground. Emma promises her that no apology is needed and the group going quiet for a few seconds before Cessily looks up from her pile of albums.

“Emma! Can we get the Doors?”

“Only if you don’t tell Jean.”

-

The ride home is happy; Cessily excitingly looking over her new albums, Julian in shotgun picking the music, Laura in the backseat watching Cessily. 

They reach the apartments and Laura comes up with them, the three of them settling into Julian and Cessily’s room after putting the clothes into their closet. 

“So you know Sooraya and Nori?”

Laura nods, takes a deep breath, and responds. “Sooraya was my first friend. Noriko was adopted and we all became close after that.”

“Are they any good at music?”

Laura nods again. “Very good. Sooraya has been playing since she was a child, and Nori started after she started living with them, I believe.”

“Cool. Cool, we can work with this. We can work with this.”

-  
Laura was right. They’re both very, very good. 

Nori is a bit of a hothead, picks fights almost without meaning to, but Julian gives her a pass. She’s funny, too, really good at her guitar, looks at her sister like she hung the stars (her _baby_ sister, she stresses, causing Sooraya to respond with a scandalized _six months difference, Nori!_ )

Nori fights him on pretty much every chord in his songs until the chords sound perfect, mocks his form and how the chords progress until they get a real melody out of both of their guitars, rather than just the mashing of strings Julian had gone with; and, to Noriko’s credit, she never once even tried to touch his lyrics. 

Sooraya makes up her own parts as they go, both hands flying along the keyboard she dragged over. She sings the backups as softly as she can, eyes brightening considerably when Cessily high fives her after a particularly good run on _Sibling Rivalry_ , one of Julian’s older songs.

Five-man band. Isn’t that a trope somewhere? He’ll ask Scott later. 

For now, Julian shoves Nori’s shoulder and asks his band mates to stick around for dinner and movies. 

Four friends in three months. Not a bad record at all.

-

Scott isn’t traditionally the one to go grocery shopping, but Jean went out with Ororo and Emma took the kids for clothes, leaving him the only one in the house. And with two growing children living with them full-time and a hoard of others at other points, the Frost-Grey-Summers house _really_ needs some eggs. 

He walks home from the store, New York summer nights warm enough for it (though windy), and nearly knocks into a pole. 

Straightening his glasses and blinking at the pole, he goes to start walking again before a paper hits him across the face, the wind undoing it from its nail on the wood. He pulls it off of his face, sighing, recognizing a nicely made poster and the logo at the bottom.

Marvel Records. He hadn’t heard that name in a while. They had approached him, once, asking for a deal- he told them in no uncertain terms that Ororo was the lead singer, not him. People always made that assumption- the only lanky white man in the entire band as the lead, despite the fact that he played keyboard (and rarely guitar, far in the background), along with his obvious and very frank hatred the spotlight.

He smiles faintly, recalling his entire family’s mission to prank the fancy record dealers to the ground, Remy stealing their wallets in less than twenty seconds and Bobby dumping ice on their heads, then turns his attention back to the paper in his hands.

 _Battle of the Bands!_ , the paper proclaims. _Ready to test yourself against the best of the best?_

Well, the kids had been looking for something to do, hadn't they? He tucks the paper into his pocket and continues walking home, hair whipping around his head as the wind continues with a vengeance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this may be a bit short and also early but listen, people, listen, i love nori and sooraya! also, they are adopted sisters in this, because i can, and soori's mom is FINE. uhh we're getting into actual plot now that the entire gang is here! also you may be seeing updated character tags,,, those are secret suprises we'll use later :)


	4. if this tour doesn’t kill you (they will)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter four: the band gets a name! the shows begin! i chuck fifteen different references in at random points! cessily and jules are the best siblings except for nori and soori or laura and her various siblings!!! the author loves this au so much!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the plot begins! uhh there’s some transphobia here but i promise brandon will get better.

Cessily calls an emergency meeting the second Scott hands her the paper, running into their bedroom and shaking Julian until he woke up, sitting up slowly and blearily asking where the fire is; she throws the poster at his head and runs out the door and down the stairs two at a time.

Nori is pacing around, as she tends to do at night; Cessily streaks past Nori, yelling to meet her in Emma’s apartment, and skids to a stop at the Qadir door, knocking twice and bouncing on the balls of her feet.

Sooraya opens it. Cess gives her a smile and starts to relax before remembering the importance of time. “Soori, meet us in our apartment in five minutes!”

And then she starts running again.

She doesn’t even bother knocking on Laura’s door, just opens it and runs to Laura’s room, waving at Sarah and Rachel (both half-asleep on the couch).

Laura’s room technically is known as the Kid’s Room, Laura’s bunk bed in the corner usually taken over by her little siblings. But she still sleeps there, and Cess finds it her best bet.

Sure enough, Laura is wedged in a pile of blankets under the bunks (the twins cuddling on the bottom one and Gabby and Henry on the top), reading a worn copy of _Frankenstein_ by flashlight.

“Laura!” Cessily hisses. “Meet me at our apartment in two minutes!”

Laura arches an eyebrow in clear confusion. 

“Band meeting!”

-

“So are we doing this?” Julian asks, staring at the paper.

“Well, if we’re going to enter a competition, we need a name.” Nori sits on Julian’s mostly-unused bed, leaning against the wall.

“Okay, well, cross that bridge when we get to it, but you guys have been in the band for literally three hours. Are we even ready for an actual competition? We barely have a full set!”

“We’ve got ten songs, we can work with it. The competition isn’t for a month and I want to drum somewhere that isn’t me and my brother’s bedroom.” Cess crosses her arms, on her bed next to Julian.

The sentence hits Julian like an even larger ton of bricks than the day’s revaluation of Laura speaking did. “Cess?”

“Yes, J?”

“Should I comment on that statement?”

“No, J.”

He just hugs her instead.

“You two are very touching, but we’ve still got the whole mild little problem that the band _doesn’t have a name_.”

Julian sticks his tongue out at Nori. “We can get a name!”

“Yeah? What?”

“I dunno. We can make a list or something.”

Nori throws up her hands but doesn’t argue and Laura grabs for one of their various lyric notebooks, opening to a blank page and pulling a pen out of one of her hoodie’s infinitely deep pockets.

“Okay, so what, like, vibe? Are we going for?”

“Angry punk indie. I think, probably?” Cess shrugs and Nori points a finger gun at her. “Yeah, angry punk indie.”

Laura writes that down.

“Okay, and- I was thinking we could do something based on the band all the adults were in? All the adults besides you guys’ mom, I mean, and I guess Laura’s mom too? The Mutants, yeah?”

“That’s such a dumb name. I love them, but it’s ridiculously bad,” Cess giggles, even as Laura notes it down.

“Okay, well, we wouldn’t be the Mutants. We’d be something better. Something cooler, I think.”

“The Outcasts?”

“Definitely already taken,” Sooraya says. “The guys that sing that Hey Ya song.”

“You’re right,” Cess sighs, and Laura crosses that off the list.

“Weird idea, but. One of the adults’ albums, in the eighties, was called Mutant Massacre, have you heard it?” Nori’s snapping her fingers as she speaks, an excited glint in her eyes. Julian can almost see an idea form, metaphorical light bulb going off in her head.

“Yeah. It’s good. I like Inferno better,” Julian replies. “I think everyone liked Inferno better.”

“Okay, yes, Inferno is their best album, but Massacre really holds up- but, anyway- do you know what a Massacre leads to?”

“No.”

“A _decimation_. It was a Roman thing, when a group did something treasonous they’d kill one out of every ten people in the group? I looked it up once.” Nori blushes at her ramble, picking harder at her bracelets.

“So you want to go by Decimation?”

“Well, it _sounds_ punk.” 

Cess nods thoughtfully. “It does. And it’s got a nice ring.”

“Plus I think it’d be funny for a kickass name like Decimation to be announced and then it’s just, like, five children,” Nori says, cackling. “Can you imagine? Here comes Decimation, abandon all hope- the bassist who reads classic science fiction for fun, a drummer who’s five feet tall, a recovering drug addict on the guitar, a singer with a cowlick. And Soori, but she’s a blessing and I refuse to insult her.”

Julian decides not to ask Nori about her remark about herself, instead turning red. “What’s the issue with my cowlick?”

She just keeps cackling at him.

-

They tell Scott their new name and he congratulates them, stirring stew in the biggest pot they have despite it now being close to midnight. 

“Would anyone like some soup?” he asks, embracing the weirdness of the situation as only a musician turned English teacher married to a wealthy educator and a hippie photographer can. 

They all accept.

-  
After they eat the soup, Scott bustles around in the storage cabinet and eventually drags out a box overflowing with stickers. “Decorate your instruments, kids. It’s a tradition to get ready for the first show.”

Nori starts rifling through the pile, throwing stickers at their heads at random. A Smiths logo, a skull and crossbones, a smiley face- Julian gets beaned by the last one and chucks it back at her, laughing. 

Eventually, the lot of them finish going through- Nori with enough lightning bolts to cover most of the wall, Laura a characterture of Frankenstein’s Monster and various skulls, Cessily flowers for her snare. Scott wordlessly hands Julian a trans flag sticker and he sticks it directly next to his knobs, where it would be clear to see, even when he plays it. 

He feels damn pretty proud when he sticks it on. Pretty damn happy to be himself.

The Important Feeling (patent pending) fades when Laura puts a sticker on his face, actually giggling. He gasps, tackles her, and holds her down while Cess sticks flowers along Laura’s cheeks and smiley faces on her hoodie’s sleeves. Sooraya shoos then off but sneaks in another flower on Laura’s forehead- that one, Laura doesn’t even try to pull off. Favoritism.

Scott- ever a responsible adult- doesn’t stop them, just picks up Jean’s camera from the coffee table to take a photo. 

(Later on, Laura sticks the picture Scott takes on her case along with the stickers. She keeps her bass clean and sticker-free; Julian and Nori, on the other hand, each end up with their guitars so covered neither can properly make out the instruments’ original coverings.

It’s a very nice night).   
-  
Their first show in front of the adults happens a week later; Laura’s entire family, Emma, Scott, Jean, Sooraya and Nori’s mom, and several of the other family members assemble in Laura’s living room. 

Bobby, the last to arrive, salutes happy at the five of them, laying himself across the couch on top of six other adults. “Let’s get this started, kids!”

Cessily takes a long breath, closes her eyes, and counts off. “Alright. Alright. One, two, three, four-”

Nori slams out her chords, jumping up and down as Julian starts singing, the wire on her guitar sparking ever so often.

“ _Your sister thinks that I’m a freak! She’s been ignoring my calls, we haven’t spoken in a week! They get so drunk that they can’t speak! Nothing’s working and the future’s looking bleak and I say-_ ”

Julian jumps aside and Nori and Laura take over the mike. “ _Oooooh, whoooa, whooooa-_ ”

Julian shoves himself back in, Nori squeezing his shoulder and giving him a crooked smile before backing up. “ _Three beers, they’re so messed up- I messed up and she hates my guts!_ ”

The anxiety disappears halfway through the third verse, when Nori hits a power chord so hard the entire room shakes, and the four children not at a drum set surround their singular microphone. “ _She says I need to grow up!_ ”

Julian hits the last chord and wheezes out a breath, hands shaking as he looks at his audience. “So that one’s called DVP. Cess wrote it.”

Scott starts clapping and Bobby whoops, the entire room erupting into applause. Jean gets up and kisses Julian on the forehead, beaming. “Amazing job, love.”

She turns to Cess and does the same. “Worthy successors to the Mutant reign. I’m so proud of you both.”

“Thanks, Jeannie,” Cess smiles. “We’re excited to get this thing going.”  
-

Weeks slip by, practice running later and later, and the entire family gets ends up involved- how, Julian didn’t understand. No matter how it happened, the week before the competition ended up spent with at least half the family on the couch awake until the early dawn prepping. Laura, Nori, and Sooraya sleep over so often Emma just drags in a new cot- after being given permission by the band members’ mothers, of course. 

And honestly? It’s sort of nice, Julian thinks, to have so many people so excited to help. Hank and his college buddy (a guy who genuinely goes by Forge) help them build an incredible blanket fort and assemble every bit of tech they could ever possibly use, ranging from chargers to extra speakers in case of emergency. Bobby brings in his D&D party members (Scott’s younger brother, Alex, a woman called Lorna who seems to somehow be related to their twin neighbors, Kitty and Illyana from Logan’s apartment, and a sullen twenty year old only known as Bishop) to stencil their logo onto Cessily’s drum set. Bobby’s boyfriend, Warren, shows up with jars of guitar polish and spends two hours making their instruments look actually good (for once).The attention is overwhelming, the energy is exciting, and Julian goes to bed every night terrified to crash and burn.

The night before, Jean and Scott cook them mac n’ cheese and makes everyone go to bed early, kicking out the various guests (discounting, of course, Laura and the Qadir kids) after the five of them choose outfits for the performance.  
After they all change and brush their teeth, their room is dead quiet. Laura is snoring softly under Julian’s bed, Nori on the extra cot and Sooraya asleep in the guest room. Julian manages to last a good fifteen minutes on his own bed before padding over and sitting down on Cessily’s bed, the girl not even bothering to say anything before pulling off her blanket and sitting up next to him. 

“Hey, brobro.” She leans on his shoulder and he sighs, staring down at his hands.

“I’m so nervous.”

“Me too,” she whispers. “But we’re okay. They’re not going to hate us if we don’t do good, you know?”

As always, she seems to read his mind. (What if Emma kicks them out if they don’t make it? What if he doesn’t pass on stage? What if Cessily hates him because he chokes? What if everything they have crumbles?)

“Then we get back up,” Cess says. He must have spoken aloud. “We always do, Jules.”

He sighs. “I know. We have to, don’t we?”

“Yeah, we do. Goodnight, J.” Cessily lays down, waiting for him to do the same. He does, feeling only slightly embarrassed about not being able to sleep alone.

“See you tomorrow, Cess.”

Cessily pulls her quilt over the both of them and puts an arm over his torso, tucking her head against Julian’s neck and closing her eyes.

Julian slips off a few minutes (or hours or days) later, curled around Cessily’s arm and drooling ever so slightly on his sister’s pillow.  
-  
Scott wakes all five of them up at six in the morning, breakfast already on the table; Various adults mill around, most of them sipping coffee or groggily waiting in line for the miracle caffeine.

They drag on their outfits with varying degrees of excitement- Cessily, in a jacket borrowed from Jean, practically glows when she comes out of their room, while Laura had thrown on the same hoodie as always and started to fix Julian’s collar.

But now all of them are dressed, sitting around the table; Julian inhales a cup of orange juice but doesn’t take a bite of his food, bouncing his leg. Laura eats half a waffle, Nori manages to finish a bowl of cereal, and Cess makes Julian eat a few pieces of peach, but that’s all any of them manage to get down.

Julian’s sports bra is loose on his chest- Emma had expressingly forbidden the use of a binder at a show, instead gifting him one of her smaller, more comfortable sports bra and making him promise to wear it.

Across the table, Scott passes Nori her medicine before there’s a knock on the door and he runs to answer it- Sooraya watches expectantly and Nori rolls her eyes before getting herself a glass of water and swallowing it properly, rather than the dry swallow Julian’s almost positive she was going for.

Across the room, Scott opens the door and Illyana and Kitty tumble into the apartment, each carrying a makeup kit. They give each kid (discounting Sooraya, of course) eyeliner and then begin work on customization; Nori with a lightning bolt on her cheek, Julian given enough blush to keep him looking nice under stage lights, Laura a dark lipstick to get her Brooding Bassist Vibes running.

Bobby and Bishop carry all the instruments to Kurt’s van, parked behind the apartment building; the kids pile in, double and triple check everything, Cessily holding her sticks so tightly Julian has to run back in and get and extra pair for fear she’d snap them and be out of luck.

And then they’re off.

-

Emma drops them off, Ororo in the passenger seat; After they unpack, Ororo kisses Laura on the head and wishes everyone good luck before both women drive off. 

And then it’s just them. 

Julian straps his gig back over his back and takes Cessily’s bass drum, Cessily balancing the rest of her kit with Laura’s help. Nori and Sooraya lug along the keyboard, Nori’s guitar balanced precariously on top. 

The waiting room holds other bands- a group of seven in school-boy outfits, discounting a girl with a violin; three kids in the corner, one dressed in the dorkiest helmet Julian has ever laid eyes on; various other people walking around, tuning instruments and chatting.

Their table is marked _Decimation_ , sitting in the corner next to another group. Nori and Sooraya drop the keyboard on the table, wheezing for breath, and Laura and Cessily start to set up their drum kit, Julian looking through the bin of wires Emma had sent along with them. 

It’s an hour and a half before the competition before the group next to them even looks at them; their apparent leader- a boy with a white streak in his hair and a scar along his eye- glances at Julian as he moves past their table and accidently kicks Julian’s foot. “Uh. Yo. Sorry.”

“No issue. Hi!” Julian waves. “Are you guys performing?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Rad! Good luck, dude!”

“Uh. Thanks.” A look of annoyance crosses the newcomer’s face when he notices Julian’s guitar, the instrument on Julian’s lap for tuning, eyes settling on his pride flag sticker. “What’s that?”

“Er, one’a my stickers.” His ears go red, scratching the back of his head. “‘S fun to decorate, you know?”

“Sure,” the other boy mutters. 

As he walks away, Julian could _swear_ he hears the boy mutter “Freak” under his breath. 

His vision goes blurry, fighting down a sudden urge to sob. Today was meant to be _his_ day, without bringing along the baggage of being trans. Today was supposed to be him, Julian, on stage with his best friends. 

As if on cue, Cessily comes up from behind him, glaring daggers at the boy when he stops at his own table. “Need me to kill him?” 

“Just a jerk about my sticker. Maybe I can take it off or something when we get home. It’d be safer, anyway.”

Cessily sits down next to him, jaw set. “Absolutely not. You get to be proud. I saw how happy you were when you got that sticker, J- no dickhead can take that from you, okay?”

“Mmmm.” 

She puts an arm around him, leaning on his shoulder while he finishes tuning his guitar.

-

They’re seventh on the roster, about halfway through, so they have fun watching the other acts; during breaks, Julian talks to the stagehands (nice guys, a Peter and a Miles) about the entire crew’s light sensitivity; Peter clicks a few buttons and promises Julian to be careful with it. 

And then the announcer is screaming their name, and the audience is clapping, and they’re going on, all in a row, and they’re up and they’re here and Julian’s going to throw up.

He grips his guitar like a lifeline, leans into the mic, and waves. “Hi. We’re Decimation. This one’s called Sleep in the Heat.”

And then Nori is next to him and then Nori slams out two chords twice and then Cess is playing and then Sooraya is joining in and then Laura is playing and then it’s him, it’s his turn.

“ _I was feeling a little bizarre, the day that I buried my family car in the scrap metal wrecking yard-_ ”

His voice doesn’t crack. His voice doesn’t crack and Nori’s guitar is screaming, next to him, and she’s laughing and he just keeps going, not even glancing at the judges, just keeping his eyes on the adults, who take up an entire segment of the audience.

“ _And I’ve said so many goodbyes, in the fifteen years that I’ve been alive, and I don’t know why this one was so hard!_ ”

And then it’s just the five of them, isn’t it? Just the rhythm of Laura’s bass seeping into his bones, Sooraya controlling every pedal they use with ease, Cessily slamming the beat, her shock of red hair flying everywhere while she plays. 

“ _I'm sick and tired of blacking out on my carpet and waking up all on my own! So I brought you home!_ ” Oh, God, third fret, sixth fret, ninth fret, shake the G string, oh god, oh god-

“ _I'm trying my best but you can't even look at me or talk to me or tell me what's happening to you!_ ” he yells, thinking of his brother, thinking of his hometown, thinking of his old friends. Before. Before. Before.

Sweat flies off his hair and he recovers himself- this now, isn’t it? He has his sister, he has Cess, his baby sister; he has his friends, he has his family. It’s just the five of them. No judges, no rude competitors. They’re home in the apartment and Scott’s bopping his head along and Laura’s mom is running in and saying hi and sprinting off to work, and Bobby’s asleep on the couch, and it’s the five of them, playing a song they made together.

“ _I want you to know that I'd spend every bit of my pitiful savings and loans just to see you again!_ ” he screams. Power chord, power chord, look at Emma, look at Scott, look at Laura, seventh fret, look anywhere but the judges- look at the red lighting, look at the paper lining the stage, look at the broken bottles around the judges’ table.

“ _But I know I won’t!_ ” His voice comes out raw, angry, unmatched. His voice comes out like it’s always meant to but never does. 

They stop, all at once, and Julian’s heaving for breath, finally allowing himself to feel the energy as the final note rings.

All at once, it’s over. All at once, Nori is pulling him off stage, wrapping herself around him and laughing or crying or both. All at once, Laura is really truly laughing, high fiving Nori. All at once, Sooraya is hugging her sister, her synth clutched in her hands, all at once Cess is jumping him and he’s picking her up, all at once it’s done and all at once it’s them, it’s the five of them, together, all at once, they are here, all at once they are blindingly happy, burning smiles on every single face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my kids my most wonderful amazing lovely kids... comments are always appreciated :)


	5. each night I have the same dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter five: a battle is won! a new rival arrives! pancakes are consumed! julian loves his mom! emma loves her son!

Once the hug subsides into the casual contact Julian and Cessily so often engage in, Scott interrupts their little circle with a big smile and hugs for his wards. “You did great, kids- really, really, really great, I’m so proud of you. Look, we’re gonna stick around for the results and then we’re going to iHop, okay? My treat.”

Cess cheers and Laura gives half a smile, the other three nodding at Scott with big grins. 

Julian walks over to their table, setting down his guitar and beginning to count out their various belongings- six aux cords, three handheld tuners, Nori’s phone charger, Sooraya’s kiddy keyboard she still carts around for luck. Nothing seems missing, and after putting all of it into their box, Julian goes back to his friends, the five of them walking shoulder to shoulder backstage to watch the next performance away from the audience.

The band- Avenge the Night, according to the logo on their drum set- didn’t sound half bad. The jerk from earlier screams away on lead vocals, his friends behind him- a tall boy with dreads on bass, a skinny tan kid and a girl with a bob cut and a radioactive symbol on her t shirt both shredding along on guitars, a red-head on the drums, pixie-cut girl messing with synth dials.

Their sound is tight, well-rehearsed, Julian notes; they all look like rock stars. But none of them seem to be having any sort of fun. They stay static in relation to one another- no back to back contact, no jumping up and down, just well-known routine and exhausted looks on all of their faces.

It’s depressing to watch, honestly. 

When they finish, people clap, but Julian can’t see a single smile in the audience, no found family cheering. Just polite, mildly interested, a bunch of the talent scouts scribbling down notes.

The band walks off and the jerk pushes into Julian again, not even bothering to apologize before storming back to his table.

Cessily gives both of the guitarists a little smile. “You did a nice job.”

“Thanks,” the boy responds, offering her his hand to shake. “My name is ‘Berto. Ignore Brandon, he’s just a little bit stressed today.”

“Happens to the best of us. But-“ Cess has on her Protective Sister Face, and Julian does the sign of the cross without even thinking about it, hoping she’s not going to kill the poor guy, “If he ever calls my brother a freak again, I’m going to knock his teeth out.”

‘Berto giggles nervously. “Haha. Okay. Er, we’re gonna go, but nice to meet you!”

Cess grins innocently at him and Nori high fives her as subtlety as possible.

After the Avenge people walk off (Julian decides to refer to them as Avengers from now on), Julian and his friends go back to their table and finish packing, meeting the other bands on the stage at the end of the night.

One of the judges- sandy blond hair, name tag with HANK scrawled in graffiti-style handwriting, wearing a lab coat for some reason- stands up, smiling at all the acts before facing the audience.

“Hello, NYC, and welcome to the first annual Marvel battle of the bands!”

Cheering. Julian’s heart jumps to his throat and he grabs for Cessily’s hand.

Hank talks and talks and talks and then he’s pulling out a list and Cessily is going to break his hand with how tight they’re both holding on and-

“The acts moving onto the second round are as follows: the Umbrella Academy-“ 

The seven kids in school gear start screaming, hugging each other and moshing, the girl with the violin lifted up onto the biggest boy’s shoulders-

“Avenge the Night-“

The bassist hugs both of the guitarists. No one else moves or even smiles. Brandon scowls at Hank as their producer- red, buzzed hair, nearly pressed suit- comes up behind them-

“The Young Avengers-“

A boy in green stage makeup picks up the skinny singer and kisses him full on the lips, the rest of the band facepalming and hiding smiles-

“The Champions, the Future Foundation-“

The boy with the helmet jumps onto Miles (he’s apparently both a band member and a techie- pretty cool, Julian thinks). The younger kids of the crew, in all-white clothes, are all high fiving with missing-tooth smiles. Julian’s happy for them but-

But. But. But. That’s not them. None of those are them. Oh god. Oh, god, they’re going to go home with nothing. With absolutely nothing. 

“And, last but not least-“

The entire room is holding its breath. Julian’s going to throw up or cry or-

“Decimation!” Hank finishes victoriously, his voice crescendoing on the last syllable, and then-

Nori chokes out a “Holy shit.” All hell breaks loose. They have a group hug in the middle of the stage and Julian’s really not crying what why would he be? And Laura catches his hand in hers and squeezes and they’re just-

He’s just-

 _So_ happy.

-  
They go to iHop. 

Scott gets all of them short stacks with whatever they want and Laura’s baby sisters (and brother) all grab around her waist and babble at her (Bellona and Zelda, forever creepily finishing each other’s sentences, say that she did great and she’s At Least a Little Cool Now) and Emma gives them a real proper smile and Bobby claps Julian on the shoulder and there’s _so_ many of them, Jesus, so many people he loves shoved in one booth at the iHop near their apartment; and Julian steals the syrup and laughs at Nori’s bad jokes and wow, wow, wow, everything’s good! Everything’s okay! 

Scott regales them with stories of his youth- when him and Jean met (“No, I need you to picture it, she was already six feet tall and clutching her guitar and looking like a rockstar with constellations drawn between her freckles and then it was like. Lanky teenage boy in specs just taking gibberish because of how cute she was,”), when him and _Emma_ met (“Oh, god, it was like the universe was trying to kill me, okay? This incredible guitarist, and then an absolutely stunning tech woman, never mind _Warren._ ), when they pranked the biggest executives in the business, when they played in bars and when they played festivals.

Laura’s family roll their eyes at him- Logan mutters something about him not looking so bad himself at the time and Julian privately wonders just how many partners Logan has. Sarah shoves him on the shoulder (“Useless bisexual!”) and Henry giggles and nearly chokes on his pancakes and nothing has gone wrong and it’s okay, it’s good! It’s good! They won the round! They’re going onto round two and Julian is good!

They’re good!

-

All the kids go and sleep in their own beds. Everyone except Julian.

As the high fades, panic sets in- what if they won for a fluke? What if they can’t do it again? What if? What if?

The dread sets in on his stomach and he pulls himself out of Cessily’s embrace, fighting down a full blown panic.

He wanders out of his bedroom and ends up in the living room; Jean’s asleep on Scott’s lap, and Scott is leaning on Emma. Emma’s still just barely awake, and she looks up when he walks in.

“Hi,” he whispers, and something must be wrong with his voice because she just puts her arms out. Without really thinking about it, he tumbles into the embrace and promptly starts crying.

Why is he crying? Crybaby, he’s supposed to be happy, today was good- 

He tries to speak but ends up just sobbing harder because this is- it’s- 

His mom is supposed to be here. His mom is supposed to be happy for his music and smiling and being proud of her son and instead he’s got his best friend’s mom’s ex-boss running her hands through his badly-cut hair and rocking him while he _sobs_. 

He wants his mom. Sue him, screw him, he wants his mom. And, yes, yes, his mom was horrible to him, she told him he’d never be a real boy and she made him do things he hated and she insulted him and she let people hurt him, but- but-

Cue more sobbing.

Emma holds onto him until he can speak. “I want my- I- I don’t-“

“I know, Julian. I know.”

He clutches at her shirt and she keeps holding him, pressing kisses to his forehead as his sobs quiet.

“Julian?” Emma says, and her shoulders are tense like they always are before she says something Personal (patent pending, too).

“Mm?”

“When I was younger, my father kicked me out too. I know how you’re feeling, and I can’t make it stop, but you have to know that now you have people that love you for who you are, not who you’re expected to be. Alright?”

Oh.

Oh.

Julian grabs her in another hug.

-

They passed the first round. There’s _way_ more work to do.

It’s a two-week gap between the next round; the competition has gone from thirteen other bands to five, but it won’t be any easier, according to the adults.

It’s time to get serious.

Julian’s thankful it’s still the remnants of summer; happy that he won’t have to go back to school in the fall, not with an English teacher, a multi-certified educator, a geneticist, and an accountant all in one building. It gives him time to focus on more important things- eating, sleeping, working through some of his trauma, having fun, educating himself on matters that are actually interesting, and most importantly time for music.

Bless his band mates- they get off the high of passing very quickly, practicing daily in their apartments before coming down at noon every day, usually with lunch or a new movie to watch after practice. 

Against his better judgement, Julian lets Nori see his Secret and Most Important Lyric Notebook.

She returns it after a day, bright blue pen scrawled on sticky notes (never over his words- his heart swells, looking at how careful she was), critiquing syllable count and switching words and adding motifs.

She makes them _so much better._

And there’s a lot of stress, of course. They snap at each other and fight and at one point Nori cusses out Julian so well he can't even really be mad about it. But the thing with it- the thing with them- is that the fights aren’t mean-spirited. They don’t hate each other, they just- 

All of them need this to work. Because Julian and Cessily can’t go Back, because Nori needs to do something to get away from every bad habit she’s kicking from before Mirah took her in, because Sooraya has to do something important, do something she loves, because Laura’s trying to get better from everything. 

They need it to work. They need each other. 

So they practice. So they ask Bobby to help them with T-Shirts. So they plot out some cool lighting ideas and they write a new song and they’re ready. 

They’re ready. They’re Decimation; they’re Julian and Nori and Laura and Cessily and Sooraya, wearing new t-shirts under old, washed-out jackets. 

__

__

They’ve got a routine and they’ve got a song and they’re going to do this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to end this story here.
> 
> I hope you loved these kids.

**Author's Note:**

> welcome, everyone, to the band-verse! meet our main players:
> 
> julian keller: guitarist, lead vocalist!  
> noriko ashida: guitarist, backup vocalist!  
> cessily kincaid: drummer!  
> laura kinney: bassist!  
> sooraya qadir: long-suffering pianist!
> 
> this is a subsection to the fantastic mic-verse! please go read that. i hope to update once a week, but school is decidedly a thing. please, please comment and subscribe. i'm getting this thing done. all lyrics here are by the fantastic band PUP- the title comes from 'kids,' the chapter title comes from 'reservoir.'


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